An Emotion

I woke up early morning after a night of restless sleep. A bird is singing under my window. I think it is a meadow lark. Its song is sweet, almost like a child’s laughter. I realize I haven’t heard a bird singing for more than two years since I moved to London. I am a bit disturbed to come to that conclusion. It feels like somebody has deprived my soul from its essence. I lie in bed with my eyes open looking in the dark towards the window, waiting to hear another sound. And she sings again. And I smile. Spring has arrived. My soul is blossoming. Today is the day I leave London.

Maybe it is the excitement from the unknown, maybe it’s the sea food my friend cooked last night, but it is 5 am and I have been wide awake for a few hours already. I am sitting in the empty living room, the place which I called home until now. It feels strange leaving the familiar. It is like a small death. Something inside me will definitely die, yet I am very willing to let it go. Anything else would feel like madness. It is very refreshing. I feel very alive, very much existing only in this present moment. My peppermint tea is particularly tastier.
Everyone of us has encountered death in from form or another during our lifetime. Yet, we don’t see beyond the negative emotion. But as I am leaving this world of busy hectic city life behind, I feel my “old ways” have died and my soul knows the true meaning of “Rest in Peace”. I can finally breathe deep again and be the real me. Breathing deep is very important.

Embracing the unknown is like rebirth. It’s like changing your batteries, maybe even getting a new hard drive as well. It is like a blank sheet of paper, waiting to be filled with exciting stories. The best quality of a blank sheet of paper is that it is blank. It does not carry positive or negative associations. It does not tell you neither “This is not allowed” nor “This is not possible.” It is what you do with it.

At the moment I feel like this little girl who was drawing something on her own during class and not paying attention to what the teacher was saying. The teacher came and asked what she was doing. The girl replied, “I am drawing god.” The teacher then said: “But nobody knows what god looks like.” The girl replied: “They will, in a minute!”

London, 01/02/2010